The Chronicles of Jesus and Shrek
by burtwilson
Summary: Jesus and Shrek do stuff in the shower.


Everyone has kinks and for Jesus it was shower sex.

"You need to shower."

Jesus received a baffled look as Shrek mumbled the word 'shower' to himself.

"What's a shower?"

"Humans use it to clean themselves instead of going into a swamp like you ogres usually do" Jesus said unbuckling the belt arounds Shrek's large waist

"Sounds dirty." He stated beginning to unbutton the top of his old timey dress thing

His hands went down to stop Shrek making him let out a small whimper.

"Human's shower alone." Jesus said helping to slip the waistcoat off Shrek's fucking massive back

He blew a raspberry in disapproval "That's boring. I don't even know what a human shower looks like, you need to teach me how to use it."

After a few more minutes of convincing (aka Jesus was playing hard to get) they were both stood naked in the bathroom. When Jesus switched on the shower and the water came gushing out Shrek scampered over to the other side of the bathroom.

"It's not going to hurt you" Jesus stated stepping in to the bathtub and under the shower. Timidly Shrek entered as well and stood under the head hissing at how hot the water was. Jesus picked up a bottle shampoo. Jesus pushed Shrek by the shoulders to step out from under the water.

"What the bloody heck is that?" He asked in his sexy Scottish accent

"It's shampoo" Jesus said squeezing some into his hands "Close your eyes" Shrek did as he was commanded then Jesus began to massage it over Shrek's embarrassingly bald head until it was lathered to his satisfaction

When he stopped Shrek's eyes peeped open as Jesus put some shampoo through his own lush brunette locks. Curiously Shrek reached up to the lather, swiped a finger through it then tasted it. The face almost made Jesus double over he was laughing so much.

"It doesn't taste good" Jesus giggled "It smells good though."

Shrek nodded in agreement before being pushed back under the shower head. He yelped in pain as the soapy water ran into his mesmerising brown eyes.

"I told you to close your eyes!" Jesus gasped running his fingers over Shrek's prematurely bald head to make sure all the soap bubbles off it although it wasn't exactly hard. He swiped his finger over Shrek's eyelid and told him to open his eyes again. "I'm going to put conditioner in your hair because it's fucking pointless as hell. We'll just move onto soap."

Jesus turned Shrek around and squeezed shower gel over his back. Slowly he began to rub the gel over his back and down his body, tracing his fingers slower over Shrek's bum and the back of his thighs.

"How often do we shower?" He asked eagerly feeling Jesus' hands against his body

Jesus turned him around and placed a placed a quick peck on his lips before squirting some shower gel on his man boobs and rubbing it to a lather and working down his body.

"Can I do this to you next?" Shrek asked hopefully

"If you want" He shrugged making circular motions on his inner thighs

"Can I do it now?"

Jesus smiled down to his feet "You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand."

"What the fuck did you just say?" Shrek asked him

"I was quoting my book man." He snapped "You know, the fucking bible? I thought you read it."

"I don't fucking memorise quotes from it you lout."

Jesus placed another kiss on his lips, pushing him back slightly so the hot water washed over both their bodies. Shrek's tongue dragged along his bottom lip asking for entrance which Jesus gladly allowed him. They face mashed for a few mins before he pulled away and grabbed the shower gel. A smile of delight spread across his face as the shower gel came out of the bottle. He did the same as Jesus did on his chest and messaged it in slowly letting his hands run over every part of his body. Jesus shivered under his touch.

"You're fucking hard " Shrek laughed squirting some more shower gel on out of the bottle into his hands and rubbing it over Shrek's hips, teasing finger occasionally brushing against his center.

"Fuck off you look like a fucking bogey" Jesus mumbled "It's only natural when you're-" Shrek traced his finger down his staff and Jesus held his breath to back a moan. Once Shrek's hand began to make their way down his thighs Jesus sighed out "doing this-" Shrek's hand went up against and ghosted over his centre before going back to his thighs "to me"

It continued like this for what felt like minutes. Shrek rubbing in shower gel to his thighs, going close to his D then away again. After his 6th time Jesus grabbed the ogre by his ears that looked like fucking dildos and stared him right in the eye.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?" He growled pushing him back under the hot water and planting a furious kiss on his lips that in reality was a mess of tongues and teeth clashing as they felt each other up ayyyyy.

The did the sexy and wow was good.

Just wanted to add a special poem for all my fans since its been a while

_I'm going to hell for writing this_

_So are you for reading this_

_See y'all there_

_We can form a band down there_

((I got a bit lazy towards the end soz))


End file.
